Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Reality Of Being Alone.

Living at New York University, has been one of the most stressful things I have ever done. I feel confined and isolated by the concrete white walls that surround me in my cell like dorm. Going into this, I thought it was going to be just like camp. It's not. Camp is a week. This is six weeks. You get meals at camp. Here I eat saltines like they are a masterpiece by a chef who works at a four star restaurant. I call and cry for hours to whoever is willing to listen. It's stressful.
Yesterday, my computer shut down. It refused to charge. In a state of pure panic I tried everything to get it to charge because I couldn't handle being without it. It brings me a sense of comfort, gives me a brief sensation that convinces my sub-conscience mind that I'm still home. With no luck, I accepted the defeat and lay on my bed wondering what I would do to distract myself from the anxious state of mind I was in.
I looked up from my bed for a book or something, and my personalized teal Bible with a brown ribbon was  right in front of me. I didn't even have to open in. Just LOOKING at it overwhelmed my mind with a sense of comfort and relief. In all honesty, I haven't opened it in the month that I've been here. But, I don't feel ashamed. I understand that I have been under a great deal of pressure, and reading alone to myself was going to allow my sense of isolation to thrive. But, now, that I am here, and with two weeks left. I have to discover a way to incooporate Him into this experiance. No number of friends I make here, or minutes spent on the phone, or hours spent on facebook and skype, will relieve me from this sense of lonliness. Only the Lord can.

Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to oppose you successfully as long as you live. I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will never neglect you or abandon you.

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